Thursday, July 26, 2007

The USC hour, er, I mean College Football Live

As some of you may have guessed from the title, the purpose of today's entry is to bitch and moan about "The Worldwide Leader in Sports" adding a half-hour daily college football show to the programming schedule. Now, any other time, I'd be thrilled about such a program. In fact, when they first announced it, I was pumped. Who wouldn't want a daily dose of college football during the weekdays? It's a sure-fire hit. At least thats what I thought until I watched it. And what I saw was basically a half hour of fawning over USC. That wasn't a one-episode thing either, it has been every day. I knew we'd be subjected to this crap to an extent, but this is so blatant that it's sickening. This is from the same network that debated whether or not the 2005 USC team was the best ever, only to watch them get beat by Texas in the National Title game. This is the same network that said they were going for a three-peat when they've only won one crystal ball and then shut out Auburn when they were the real deserving champion. It's a one peat, not even legit back-to-back titles. But don't try to persuade Mark May and Herbie, they've got their head so far up Pete Carroll's ass that they can probably see out his mouth.

Am I asking for Nebraska coverage? Not at all. The Big 12 North just isn't sexy enough to cover right now, and that's understandable until we start beating top-10 teams. But that doesn't mean that the douchebags at ESPN can completely ignore everyone but the top 5 teams in the country. I just wish we could get an unbiased look at all of college football, not the worship of two or three programs, which is what ESPN does. Unfortunately, they have a near monopoly on coverage of the sport, so you have no choice but to watch them.

Oh and another thing: They talked about USC's schedule and had the people with internet access vote on which of their games will be the toughest to win. The game against the Cal Bears was first, the game against NOTRE DAME was second, and the tilt in Lincoln on September 15th was ranked third. Which begs the question, are these people f*cking retarded? Really? The Cal Golden Bears? The chronic underachiever of the Pac 10? The one whose stadium in Berkley holds 75,000 but frequently only plays host to 60,000? What the hell is so intimidating about them? USC beats their ass every year. And Notre Dame? Pretty sure that they are replacing their all-time leading passer, as well as their top 2 recievers and best tailback. Oh, and did I mention that their defense sucks too? What is so tough about this game? Ohhhhhh, now I remember. The Golden Domers will be led by reigning Biggest Douchebag in the Universe Jimmy Clausen. So apparently playing an already weak team with a freshmen QB will be more difficult than going into Lincoln and playing a deep and talented Husker squad in front of the Sea of Red. This goes to show just how stupid most of the public is. Either that or it shows that more people in Nebraska need to get internet access so we can out-vote them next time.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Good thing Cally let the process sort itself out

This is why you don't jump to conclusions. Why you don't call for someone's head before the situation resolves itself. The biggest news of every Husker fans summer was released today, as Cally announced that Mo Purify will only miss the season opener against Nevada for his two run-ins with the law earlier this summer. This obviously is a HUGE relief for all of us who thought we'd have to be without our primary aerial threat. Sure, we talked ourselves into our other recievers making up for him, and they may very well have, but I think we all know that in the back of our mind we were more than a little worried. Our fantasies of Keller-to-Mo touchdowns are still alive, and that is cause for celebration.

I made the mistake of jumping to the conlusion that Callahan was sure to kick him off the team, which was short-sighted on my part. I was sure that Cally, having little or no tolerance for off-the-field issues, was going to give him the boot. But that is where I was too quick to fire off an entry, and man am I glad that Callahan let the legal system figure it out first before making the same mistake I did. Welcome back, Mo. You may never have been gone, but to most of us, it was a bad couple of weeks thinking about the prospect of you not being a Husker.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

If Husker players were Transformers, they'd be....

So I went to Transformers last night. Not an amazing movie, but a solid 2 hours of entertainment (the problem is that it goes 20 minutes too long and drags on, but hey, for six bucks I can't complain). But it got me thinking: If we were to look at current Husker players, what kind of Transformer would they be? What I mean by that is, what type of vehicle would they be before transforming into ass-kicking machines? Every player has a type of personality that would match up with a particular type of vehicle, so let us analyze one player from each position group and determine what vehicle they would be in disguise before shifting into decepticon ass-kicking mode.

Defensive Backs: Cortney Grixby, CB
Pre-Transformed car (PTC): Vespa

To be honest, I wanted to do Asante, only because he's seemingly more badass, but we dont know enough about him and haven't seen him in action outside of a scrimmage, so I decided to go with Grixby. So I thought about it a while, and what tiny vehicle seems to be sped by on a regular basis and constantly ridiculed? Obviously, its the Vespa. While I think Grixby will improve this year, his lack of size and speed made it way too easy for this comparison. And the urge to dropkick people on Vespas is just too strong to ignore.

Linebackers: Bo Ruud
PTC: Chevy Silverado 1500HD

Much like the Silverado, Ruud is the picture of reliability and strength, and while sometimes underrated has shown to be a dependable and long lasting cog in the Husker defense. While some claim he is overrated, I beg to differ. While I think he could stand to lose a couple tenths off his 40, he is always in the picture at the end of plays and he is a tireless worker. Plus, his size and workmanlike attitude overshadows his subtle knack for making plays. When you really think about it, cant you see Ruud buying a truck with his 1st NFL contract instead of a Benz? I'd like to think so.

D-Line: Ndamukong Suh
PTC: Hummer H1

I'm not talking about these pussy mass production vehicles that you see every guy with a midlife crisis driving, I'm talking about the Desert-Storm era fighting machines, the ones that only go 80 miles an hour but can go over and through just about anything. Suh, while raw, has a combination of power and speed that few people possess, much like the original ass-kicking Hummers.

O-Line: Lydon Murtha
PTC: V-22 Osprey

Why would I give Murtha a sweet vehicle like the U.S. Marines' Osprey? Because much like the Osprey, Murtha has been a question mark for years, an unproven product prone to malfunction. The Osprey is famous for it's multiple crashes and inability to live up to it's impressive design capacities. Murtha is known for being a physical specimen who has yet to live up to his abilities and publicity when he came in. Here's to hoping that Murtha follows the Osprey's now-error-free path to fulfilling his potential.

Wide Reciever: Mo Purify
PTC: Ford Crown Victoria

Why the Crown Vic? Because fit it with lights and a siren and Mo feels right at home. Aw c'mon, it had to be said.

Quarterback: Sam Keller
PTC: Ferrari 360 Spyder

Like the flasy Italian import, Keller grabs people's attention as well as the headlines. Keller oozes the west-coast cockiness and cool that the Ferrari necessitates, and his competitive streak would mesh well with a car whose top speed is north of 190 miles an hour. Plus, Keller looks like the type of guy who would feel at home in the 360, with some spiked up hair and a playboy model on his arm. A year from now we might actually see it (let's hope so, that'd mean he's a first or second round pick).

Running Backs: Cody Glenn
PTC: A Bulldozer

Do I even need to explain why this one makes sense?