11:04—Welcome to the Husker Guy 2007 NFL Draft running diary. We’re coming live to you from my house in Bloomington MN, where we have relocated due to the fact our projector broke. We are all at least two beers in, and a huge development just took place: We went from a 19 inch TV to 60 inch big screen. We were just sitting here when my brother dropped it off, so this is a big upgrade, and we are ratcheting up the drinking in celebration. My buddy J is has already downed a MGD 40 ouncer, which he opened at 10:30. Good stuff.
11:09--- And the Oakland Raiders are on the clock. Just in case they haven’t figured out what they wanted to do over the past 3 months, they have 15 more minutes. Can’t we shorten this up? The first round could actually take 8 hours if they all milk the clock for all it’s worth. The Raiders have to take Russell, Andrew Walter just doesn’t cut it. Walter looks a lot like Keller, due to the ASU connection and similar builds. Plus, I could see Keller being picked next year in the same range that Walter did (3rd Round)
11:15--- “Jamarcus Russell can throw the ball 65 yards from his knees”…..That’s great Mel, if he ever is on his knees in the pocket, he’s gonna be in good shape, you douchebag. Man I wish I had NFL network here.
11:18 A boy scout came to the house....... He wanted perishable food items…..all I have is beer…..not sure that woulda went over well with the scout master……..
11:20--- JaMarcus Russell is the first pick. Wow. That is unbelievable, I never saw that one coming…..
11:21---Rienks says that JaMarcus has an ugly grandma……I thought that was a bit harsh, but to each his own. For what it’s worth, I am liking the black-on-black-on-black suit combination that Russell is wearing……I think that knowing what team is gonna draft you is important, you can match your suit for the hat.
11:23---They are playing Eminem’s song about Detroit, which is funny cause most of the crowd at this thing is middle-aged white guys. I bet they’re big fans.
11:29---Living in Minnesota, I think it’s hilarious that Brad Johnson is characterized as a key loss on the bottom-of-the-screen ticker…..any time a 56 year old man is a key loss, you know your team isn’t in very good shape…….
11:31---Calvin Johnson with the second pick…..I can’t say I disagree with it, the guy can’t miss……although they were saying similar things about a kid named Charles Rogers a couple years ago……but Johnson is a guy with great character, and despite the screw-ups they’ve had the past couple years in Detroit, I think you have to make that pick.
11:32—Calvin’s face is priceless…….”Wait, who is throwing the ball to me? Joey Harrington? Oh, nevermind. Shit, why’d I have to get drafted by these guys?”
11:33---My brother B, in an extremely sarcastic tone: "Man, Detroit's 4 wide sets in Madden are gonna be unstoppable." I used to love doing that with Texas on NCAA, I’d put Vince Young in when they still had Roy Williams and company and kill people.
11:35---Close up of Brady Quinn and his girlfriend. Rienks’ response: “That’s the best he could do?”
11:39---Interview with Calvin Johnson…………I didn’t hear the question we all want answered, which is “How does it feel to be drafted by the most inept franchise in the league?”
11:40---Rienks, after a closeup of Quinn’s girlfriend laughing: “Ha ha, I’m gonna be soooo rich, I’m set for life, I can’t wait to get a divorce and get half.”……..we’re nice guys here, I swear.
11:41--WHOEVER JUST YELLED JARED ZABRANSKY IN THE QUIET MOMENT NEEDS A BEER BOUGHT FOR HIM, RIGHT NOW! That is probly going to be the funniest moment of the draft.
11:41—The Browns select Joe Thomas…………..things that I’m hearing about Thomas is similar to what we heard about Robert Gallery coming out of Iowa a couple years ago….and last I checked, Gallery hasn’t been the dominant tackle they were hoping for…I’m not sayin Thomas is going to do the same, maybe he’ll be another Will Shields, but either way, it just shows how wrong these analysts can be.
11:46— My buddy Kels, who is a huge Notre Dame fan, is now terrified that Quinn could go to Minnesota. I am now rooting for this with every ounce of my being. Seeing Quinn tank for the next 10 years right here in the cities would be a lot of fun for me. I hate Notre Dame.
11:50— We don’t have any beer……this is bad…..what is worse that I have a wedding to go to at 4:00…..not that it’s going to stop me from drinking, but it just sucks that I have to move.
11:51— I think that Tampa Bay is going to take Gaines Adams. Hell, they probly already decided it. But for some reason they are gonna make us sit here for 5 additional minutes. Assholes.
11:53— Gaines Adams is rocking a 1991 haircut with the lines shaved in the side of his head….Kels: "Are we watching Hoop Dreams? Or did Arthur Agee turn into a standout defensive end?"
11:54— Shocking, it’s Gaines Adams with the pick……and the Jared Zabransky moment just got replaced by Adam’s moms mullet as the funniest moment of the draft…..I’d put all the comments my buddies just said, but I don’t think they are appropriate to print here.
11:56— BEER RUN, be back in a bit……
12:19— And we’re back. Rienks is facing a tough decision: start with the MGD 40 ouncer or the Steel Reserve girl. He settles on the 40. Smart decision. We’ve missed two picks, but one was an o-linemen, which isnt even exciting. The Redskins pick of Landry is crazy though….think about that, Landry paired with Sean Taylor at both safety spots? That is terrifying for every receiver in the league…..I have to go mix a drink…… I’m going with Silver Tequila (a 40 dollar bottle, not cuervo) and tonic with some lime…….it’s a nice refreshing citrus blend……..plus I’m not feelin a beer till later….
12:26— I am absolutely giddy at the prospect of Quinn being drafted by the Vikings….Kels is terrfied…..here’s the pick…….DAMMIT, it’s Adrian Peterson, I’m devastated. I think it’s a good pick (although some say that he doesn’t fit the Vikings west cost system), but I really wanted to see Quinn suck up close. Oh well.
12:30— We now get to see Peterson running over everybody….I’m waiting for the inevitable highlights against the Huskers…..but they never come…..that’s a shock.
12:32— We are now debating what is the best college team of all time…..Kels says the ’01 Miami team and I’m going ’95 Huskers. He lists their talent level (Vilma, Portis, Shockey, etc.) and my argument is that they almost got beat 3 times whereas Nebraska was never challenged. This is an argument that is not gonna go anywhere.
12:36— Kels, faced with the fact that Quinn is dropping faster than Jenna Jameson’s pants, is arguing that he is better than Russell….whatever you need to tell yourself. I hate Notre Dame.
12:39— I don’t know much about Anderson out of Arkansas, but after watching his highlights, wow this guy is good. Then again, my highlight tape from high school made me look good, and I suck. So who knows how indicative highlights are of a player’s true ability. I think you gotta get game tape of the player’s worst game to see what he’s really like.
12:42— We’re recounting the times that we have each passed out in someone’s yard. Isn’t this what college is all about? 5 guys sitting around getting drunk, recalling the great times you’ve had. I say yes. Well, that and getting an education. But that’s #2 on the importance scale.
12:45— How pathetic are the people who paid 10 bucks to sit in their respective team’s training facilities to watch the draft? I bet those 7 dollar beers are delicious.
12:46— Wow, you thought the list of the Lion’s past draft picks was bad, you needed see the list of the Dolphins QBs since Dan Marino.
12:47— Steve Young’s keys to success as a QB: Leadership, Aptitude, and Accuracy. Reinks: “Really? You have to be smart and able to throw to play quarterback in the NFL? Who knew?”
12:50— The Dolphins need a quarterback. Brady Quinn is still available. Stop wasting our time and make the pick.
12:51— THEY TAKE TED GINN!!!! That seems like a HUGE reach, and Quinn has the “F***ing assholes” smile going. Kels is in complete shock. This is fantastic, my day just got a lot better. Mel Kiper is livid, based on his extensive playing experie….oh wait……..nevermind.
1:00— Just realized I don’t have m power cord, and my battery is running out. This might be a “first half of the first round” diary…..oh well……it’s 80 degrees out, I need to get out of this house anyway…..
1:05— Okoye gets picked by the Texans……I still can’t believe this guy is only 19…..it’s officially ADAM CARRIKER WATCH time.
1:08— Desperate Housewives promo….Morphin: “Is that still on?” ….Rienks: “Man, Eva Longoria is HOT”……is it just me, or has that entire cast started to actually look their real age? I don’t watch the show, but now the promos look like a bunch of 50 year olds…..and 50 year old women acting like sluts isn’t very appealing……well, except Eva. She can take her clothes off any time she wants.
1:11— Mark May makes his first appearance…….I’d like to take this opportunity to promote FireMarkMay.com…………….between May and Herbstriet, I’m really not a big fan of ESPN sometimes.
1:16— Reading Sport’s Illustrated’s mock draft in the magazine, I think it’s important to note that they have 2 of the first 10 picks right. Glad we listen to the experts.
1:18— And the 49ers take Willis, the freak linebacker out of Ole Miss……..my prediction of Carriker going to St. Louis is looking better and better…
1:21— Jason (who will be referred to as J) remarks after finishing another beer: “64 ounces down before 1:30…..not bad”……
1:23— The new Coors Light bottle has a logo that turns blue when your beer is the perfect temperature……..so if you’re a complete moron and can’t figure out if your booze is cold, now your set.
1:27— Lynch is selected by the Bills at 12…..I don’t think he’s that great of a back….I mean, he’s gonna be decent NFL back, but I don’t think he’s a mid-first rounder considering you can get great backs in the later rounds. The Rams are now on the clock, so we’ll see if my prediction turns out right.
1:31—National Bingo Night promo……Rienks: “Are you f***ing kidding me? You gotta be f***in retarded to watch that….they must pull homeless people off the street and give them booze to come watch that s*** in the studio audience.”
1:34— Kels makes a Suge Knight/Alan Branch comparison…….fantastic.
1:35— Joe Thomas fishing on his boat……….how awkward is that for him? I’m pretty sure the guy went fishing so he wouldn’t have to deal with the dumbass press, so what do they do? Put a camera on the boat.
1:38— Where the hell are these Sonic food places? I saw one in Omaha once, but we don’t have any up here in the cities. How the hell does Omaha have one but not Minneapolis/St. Paul? Don’t get me wrong, I love Omaha, but I don’t think they are quite where the Twin Cities are in terms of size/population.
1:40— The Rams select ADAM CARRIKER……I’m obviously psyched…….the only comments my friends can make is that he’s really ugly (after ESPN showing his facial picture). Either way, good for Adam. Great to see a Husker in the first round, and I am now on par with Mel Kiper when it comes to draft accuracy.
1:45— The Jets fans go wild…..we’ll see what the development is that they are cheering about……yea, they traded up to 14…….probably to take Quinn…..I know they have Pennington, but that guy’s shoulder is weaker than Beau Davis’ arm…..and wow they gave up a lot of picks…a 1,2, and 5…..
1:46: Rienks: “Hey Kiper, SHUT THE F*** UP! Crawl back down that s***hole where you came from.” I agree……but take it easy champ….maybe sit the next couple of plays out, if ya know what I mean.
1:50— need another drink…..
1:52— Mortensen: “I just wonder why they were taking so long.” We were all wondering Mort, we were all wondering. They need to cut it from 15 minutes to 8, this is ridiculous.
1:53— They traded all that for Revis out of Pitt? Really? To borrow a quote from J, “Your that excited Jets fans? About an overrated corner?”
1:55— Timmons out of FSU goes to the Steelers……this makes Sports Illustrated 3 for 15 in their preview….let me note that I’m not saying I can do better. What I’m saying is that this just shows how all the pre-draft hype is just dumb.
2:01— A debate starts over who we’d rather sleep with, Rachel Nichols, Suzy Kolber, or Erin Andrews……and Andrews wins after we realize the other two aren’t that attractive……..
At the halfway point of the first round, the big story is without a doubt the fall of Quinn…..this is turning into an Aaron Rogers situation where he awkwardly sits until a mid-20s pick………and I’m loving it.
2:05— Me: “Morph, are you drunk?”
Morph: “No”
J: (raises hand and smiles)
2:06— I’m eating some Fritos, which boasts prominently on the front “0 GRAMS TRANS FAT!”…….which is great if you discount the fact that every serving (roughly 10 chips) has 100 calories of fat…….and they wonder why our country is obese.
2:08— Kolber is interviewing Quinn…….J remarks, in the Brady Quinn voice: “Um, I’m really just devastated cause nobody wants to pick me.” I’d say that’s more accurate of what he’s really thinking.
2:09— Chris Berman tells us for the 754th time that Quinn is from Ohio. Thanks Chris, you can feel free to shut up now. Isnt there a Yankees/Sox game we can send this guy to instead?
2:13— The Packers pick Justin Harrell out of Tennessee, which pisses off J, who’s a huge Packers fan. Nobody is happy with an unglamorous d-line pick, unless you’re a Nebraska fan rooting for Carriker. Thing is, if Harrell keeps guys off of A.J. Hawk, that’s a good pick. People gotta remember this.
2:52— Not much has happened in the 45 minutes we’ve been outside drinking and playing catch. Tennessee drafted Griffin out of UT, which I was surprised by because they let their main receivers go in free agency, I thought they’d take Meachum or Bowe for sure.
2:54— A great new development: they have moved Brady Quinn from purgatory, a.k.a. the green room, to a private room where he won’t be harassed by the cameras. Kels is near comatose right now. This is by far the highlight of my day. In other news, I have a wedding to go to in one hour, but I left the invitation at my house and I have no idea where the church is. I’m working the phones to find it.
2:56— Reinks: “ESPN, you got bitches running wild. Also known as Mel Kiper.”
2:58— Another Texas guy, Ross goes at the 20th pick……nice to see some Big 12 guys going…..
I think its worth noting that it’s the 21st pick but yet we are four hours in……I hate to be redundant, but let’s shorten this crap up……plus, my battery only has about 25% left…..
3:04— The Jags take Reggie Nelson, a hard-hitting safety out of Florida. Mel thinks he could play corner. I think Mel is a moron. Put this guy as heir apparent to Donavan Darius, and let the fireworks happen. I think this is a good pick. Then again, what do I know, I’m a former D3 backup….which makes me more qualified than Mel Kiper.
3:10— We’re talking about the dogs we have in the house right now….2 pitbull pups, 2 Yorkshire terriers (which are the ones that Paris Hilton puts in her purse)……J wonders aloud about the Yorkies: “I always wonder, how far could I punt a dog like that?”……sounds like we got another Mike Vick here, HEY-OH!.......yea, I got nothing….
3:15— Vince Young’s Madden commercial……I am a big fan of Bill Simmons’ theory that if we put Osama Bin Laden on the cover, we’d catch him in a month, that’s how powerful the Madden curse is. We need to make this happen.
3:17— The Browns trade up and take Quinn before KC can grab him…..in case you didn’t know, he’s from Ohio. I’m not sure if you knew that. Just making sure. Boomer needs a dropkick to the face at this point…..and you would think with all the people Quinn has, they would have gotten him on Proactiv to get rid of those zits…..
3:22—Kels nearly busted a nut when Brady came on for his interview with Suzy Kolber…….you can tell that Quinn is pissed that he dropped into the 20s………..followed by this exchange:
Morphin: “He’s probly happy, he’s going to Cleveland.”
Reinks: “Did you smoke Pacman’s stash while we were gone? It’s f-ing Cleveland. Nobody wants to be there.”
3:24— We just took three minutes trying to figure out who the Brown’s incumbent starter is…..a pretty good indicator of how successful a team is……that’s not a good sign when avid football fans barely can remember who your QB is.
3:28— I love the NFL apparel commercial where a Vikings fan and Bears fan go at it with their chairs and crap like that. I love it because the Vikings fan has no choice but to wear a Troy Williamson jersey. That’s the best they have, a receiver who drops 75% of his passes.
3:30—Reinks is getting visibly inebriated, mainly because he’s pulling a Joe Namath and making sexual remarks about Suzy Colber……I’d write them here, but I don’t think they are really appropriate…..
3:32—Chiefs select Bowe out of LSU…..it’s a pick they had to make, they haven’t had a good receiver since Andre Rison’s first year there, which was when I still cared about the NFL………..and don’t talk to me about Kennison, he’s been serviceable, but he’s no #1 receiver…….
3:41— They’re interviewing the GM for the Browns…….”What was your motivation to jump back into the first round for Brady Quinn?”……..I think I know what he was really thinking: “Um, I don’t know if you noticed, but our starting QB is Charlie Frye…I don’t think you need further explanation.”
3:44—Kels is trying to talk himself into Quinn going to Cleveland and turning the franchise around…….I don’t have the heart to try to talk him out of it……
3:46— I’m interested to see the Patriot’s pick here……they got an obvious need at LB and Safety……….here’s the commish…….Meriweather from Miami at Safety…….Kels called that, I thought he would slip because of character issues…..and by character issues, I mean when he was stomping on FIU players in the infamous brawl (which they just showed. Class act.).
4:06—My battery is dying, I don’t know if I’ll make it through the 1st round…..the Cowboys just took the DE Spencer out of Purdue…..they traded three picks for this guy….they must see something I don’t, because I think that’s a horrible pick. They needed a corner, an o-lineman, or a wide receiver (Glenn and Owens are both 34+ I think)…..and they take an overrated d-end……
4:11—I love the Coors Light commercials where they use footage from coach press conferences….”Playoffs? You’re talking about Playoffs?”……fun stuff.
4:12—Talking about the Saints right now…..I am glad Drew Brees is doing well, because people hate QBs who are only 6 feet tall…..if you can play, you can play, there’s no way around that. Look at Chase Daniel. Other than his love for mucus, he’s a great player, and he’s barely over the 6 foot mark. These NFL guys are just dumb when they talk themselves out of players who have the ability to make a difference.
4:15—I love when Berman tries to make a real anecdote or observation when the guy barely knows anything about football. There is a big difference between a real analyst and a TV personality, and he falls into the latter category. Another example is Dick Vitale. Anybody could yell the crap he does, but ESPN thinks he’s important because he has a cult following. Give me guys who know bring some real analysis to the table, not somebody who repeats the same catchphrases time and time again.
4:18—Rienks: “MAKE THE F***ING PICK! YOU’VE HAD 3 MONTHS YOU ASSHOLES!”
4:19—I love that they have 15 minutes, but they take 2 additional ones for Goodell to get up to the podium…….hurry up you assholes……
4:20—New England’s pick is the last I will write about, my battery is about to die and quite frankly I’m tired of sitting through this…….
4:22— The Patriots trade the pick to San Fran, who takes Joe Staley from Central Michigan...........and just like that, the Patriots stockpile more picks in the middle rounds….that’s why they are the best-run organization in the NFL……….
Well, my battery is gonna die, so this is gonna end today’s 1st round draft diary. I had a great time, if they shorten the time to 10 minutes a pick, this would have been really great. Hopefully Stew, Jay, and Brandon get taken the next two rounds.
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